SLADE'S SECRET
by tabitha5
Summary: Ever wondered about the mysterious Slade's past? Who he realy is and what he's running from? Well here's his pretribe. Written midway through Tribe 5
1. Part 2

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Once upon a time that's how the story goes.  

There was a boy who moved from England with his mother and elder brother after his parents divorce.  

They lived in a beautiful one-storey house on the outskirts of Wellington at the bottom of the North Island. 

He went to a fee-paying school paid for like the house by his father who was desperate to make up for the pain and disruption the divorce had caused the boy and his brother.  

He enjoyed cricket, playing on his PS2, rugby and dirt biking but mostly he enjoyed spending time with his girlfriend whom he thought was the most beautiful girl in the world.  

SLADE

Life is sacred. 

I really believe that, no matter how bad a person is no one deserves to die.  

Before the virus, before the accident I don't know if I would have said that I truly believed that.  

What happened that day changed both Saffy and I's lives forever. 

We took my brother Elton's car for a laugh, just for a quick spin around the block, at the time we would have given anything to see the look on his face when he found his prized possession was missing.  

I remember how fast I drove, Saffy was yelling at me to go faster, her head thrown back as she squealed with laughter, her hair blowing all over the place, the tires were screeching as we took each bend and you could smell burning rubber.  

The car skidded as I turned sharply back into the driveway and one of the wheels must have hit the wheelie bin because the car span suddenly out of control across our front lawn and into the oak tree that Elton and I had played in when we were kids and then everything went black. 

When I came round I could see my brother, his face purple with rage running across the lawn towards us shouting into his mobile phone.  

"S***, we're in trouble now" I groaned clutching my head where I had hit it on the steering wheel. 

 But there was no answer which was strange cos Saffy never shut up not for a single millisecond she even talked in her sleep. 

I turned towards her, her side of the car had been badly crushed by the tree and it looked as if she was being squashed into the back of her chair, she was deathly white and there was a small trickle of blood coming from one corner of her mouth. 

Elton had reached the car by then and the look of rage change to a look of panic when he saw Saffy and he dialled 111.  

As I reached out to wipe the blood away from her mouth she opened he eyes

 "What happened?" she asked me, her voice sounded as though she was far away, very faint and whispery, when I told her I had crashed she said something that I will remember forever. 

 "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to go faster".  

That was so like Saffy always taking the blame when it was me who'd f***ed up. 

 "I think I'm stuck".  She told me.  

"I know. Elt's calling the paramedics they'll get you out".  

I tried to reassure her. 

 "Does it hurt much?"  I asked her but it was only because I'd read somewhere that you should keep people who've been in an accident talking.  I was scared what the answer was going to be.  

She shook her head slightly "it just feels weird, sort of tingly". 

I can't really remember anything much after that only Elton talking to us both until the emergency services arrived and the sound of the metal cutting gear as they cut Saffy free from the wreckage that was Elton's car before the police took me to the station.  

By the time mum had arranged to bail me out it was after midnight.  

It was two days before the doctors let me see Saffy and by then we knew that she would never walk again.  

I blame myself for what happened and I'm going to have to live with it on my conscience for the rest of my life.

SAFFY

It's hard for people to understand what it's like to be me.  

I don't want pity and I guess I have resigned myself that this is the way it's going to be for the rest of my life.  Reality is harsh.  Things that able bodied people take for granted are impossible or at the very least extremely difficult for me to accomplish on my own.  

It's not just the things that are obvious either.  I cannot dance, run, walk or even stand up, if it was just as simple as that my life would be a whole lot easier.  

My spinal cord wasn't completely severed or crushed in the accident so I am what is medically known as an incomplete quadriplegic.  

It has it's advantages, I have control over my bladder and bowel movements most of the time which is definitely a plus point as I don't have to be catheterised or wear diapers like a baby, I have limited feeling from my belly button downwards although sometimes I think it would be better if I didn't because it means I can feel extreme heat, cold and pain and not really do an awful lot about it. 

On the down side everything that I can do without help takes me probably fives times as long as it would take anybody else.  With specially adapted equipment I can do some things on my own, like getting myself in and out of my wheelchair, eat, brush my hair and wash.  I can't put on make up, cook or even write because the damage to my spinal cord also means that the nerves that control my hands and arms are affected, my balance is terrible because I have very little control of the muscles in my lower back and almost none over my leg muscles this makes sitting up unaided, reaching for something and dressing myself very difficult.  Even the exercises that the physiotherapist gave me at the beginning haven't helped all that much although I still do them every day because I know that without them my muscles would waste away and the stuff that I can still do would become much more difficult.  

How do I cope?  

The truth is I cope because I don't have a choice, yes, things are hard and I hate being dependant upon other people but it's not as if I could even kill myself because my physical limitations wont allow me too. 

 Sometimes I hate my life and I would give anything to have my old life back.  

But I think that nearly everyone would say the same since this virus struck.  

In many ways I know that I am fortunate because I am safe, I'm not starving, I have people that care about me.  In a way I'm glad that the virus wiped out all the adults even my folks because let's face it they were pretty poor excuses for parents anyways.  

And if it hadn't Slade would have gone to jail or been put in a children's home because of what we did and I don't know how I would have got through the last year and a half without him.


	2. Part 3

SLADE

Saffy wasn't just the love of my life she was my best friend.  

After what happened things changed it's like she's not even Saffy any more and I really want the old Saffy back.  What I hate most of all is how quiet she is; before the accident she was always talking or laughing.  

I never noticed her smile before but it the most beautiful smile I have ever seen; the smile of an angel that's what Elton used to say, that's what she reminds me of an angel with her fragile beauty, sometimes I think that she will break into a million pieces if I touch her.

The first time I saw her after the accident she was lying in a hospital bed, her skin was so pale it was nearly transparent, her eyes were shut and there wasn't a mark on her.  I could feel panic rising in my throat as my eyes searched desperately for some sign of life from her motionless body.  I breathed such a huge sigh of relief that I'm sure the whole hospital must have heard me as her eyelids fluttered and she opened her eyes.  "Hey".  She said softly smiling up at me. 

"Hey babe".  I had replied unable to return her smile as I pulled up a chair next to the bed.  "Is Elton really p****d with us?"  She had asked me as I looked at her and wondered how she could be bothered about Elton's car at a time like this.  

"They told you, didn't they?" She had said her voice little more than a whisper.  I nodded then unable to look at her because I knew I would bawl like a little kid if I did.  "It's not your fault, it's just one of these things, fate or something".  She told me her voice stronger now.  It was then that I started to cry the tears coming hard and fast.  "Please don't be sad, it's ok really it is".  She tried to reassure me even though she was crying too.  

I hated seeing Saffy cry more than anything, it tares me apart so I pulled myself together and I told her that I loved her and that some how we would get through this and she smiled at me through a veil of tears with a certainty I did not share.

SAFFY

My spinal cord was damaged in three places so the doctors told me not severed or completely crushed or even bruised but damaged; T1, which affects the movements in my hands and fingers, T12 which affects my abdominal muscles and in the lumber region which affects my legs.  

I spent eight weeks laying flat on this horrible electrical bed which turned every three hours it reminded me of a torture device it was awful, they put me on drugs to control my bodily functions, pain medication which made me hallucinate, I couldn't do anything for myself at all not a single thing apart from breath and talk, the worst thing of all is how degrading it was having to be fed and washed it made me feel dirty and completely helpless worse than a baby.  

The first good thing I can remember was my first shower when I was moved to the rehabilitation centre it was fantastic to have my hair washed and feel the water running over my body even if I was lying horizontally on this table thing being washed by a nurse.  Whoever said your hair cleans itself was wrong my hair hadn't been washed or properly brushed for eight weeks and let me tell you it was gross.

They began raising the head of my bed a little each day but I still passed out and was as sick as a dog when they finally sat me up.  

Once I could sit up the therapists taught me how to use a power wheelchair and I hated it even though I couldn't move it was terrible being strapped in and having to wear a body brace which felt like I was trapped inside a turtles shell or something I think that was the worst time, I didn't want to see anyone and I had no interest in anything, I just wanted to die.  


	3. Part 4

SLADE

Saffy was so tired and slept almost all of the time which was another thing that changed before the accident she would wake me up in the middle of the night and just as I was drifting back off to sleep she would kiss me or tickle me and go "No sleeping" in this cute girly voice that drove me wild.  

She spent eight weeks flat on her back completely still and another eight weeks in this awful body cast.  It was the worst time of my entire life watching the person I loved most going through this living hell, knowing it was my fault and not being able to do a damn thing about it.  I hated not being able to hold her in my arms or even sit on the bed next to her.  We had always been very touchy feely not like slobbering all over one another but comfortable with each other.  

I had thought that things would get better once Saffy went to rehab but things got even worse.  Saffy was real independent it was one of the things I found so neat about her; that she knew all this stuff and would do what ever she felt like no matter how crazy and then all of a sudden she couldn't and was restricted in everyway imaginable.  

SAFFY

The accident changed a lot of things and not just between Slade and I.  

Elton has become my saviour.  Before, he was Slade's preppy older brother and we spent most of our time trying to annoy, he was the butt of most of our jokes.  Since the accident he's been like a godsend he and Slade recorded my favourite tunes onto minidisk so I could listen to them more easily, got me books on tape from the library and video's to watch when I'm on my own.  The best thing he's done is give up his beloved laptop, it was the latest model and he used it all the time but he's given it to me and even set it up so it's voice activated.  I cried when he gave it to me; it was one of the most thoughtful things anyone's ever done for me.

His and Slade's mom visits me at the weekends; she's a pretty cool lady for a mom!  It's good to have someone to do girly stuff with because my friends from school don't really visit much and when the do it's pretty awkward.  She's been really nice offering to style my hair; doing my nails and helping me choose what clothes to wear.  The other day she even waxed my legs, it was great, I couldn't feel a damn thing!

Slade's been great too.  He visits me every day even when he has cricket or rugby practice after school.  He sits with me for hours trying to make me laugh, the other day he brought me dinner, fish and chips and cookies and cream flavoured ice-cream which happens to be my absolute favourite things to eat in the whole wide world.  He even fed me making a big joke out of the whole thing doing aeroplane noises and putting ice cream on my nose.  It's the first meal I've enjoyed in ages and it's the first time we've both laughed in a long time, it felt so good…


	4. Part 5

SAFFY

Rehab wasn't all bad though.  

Some things really sucked like the wrist braces, they drove me crazy because they had to be fastened really tight so that I could propel myself in my chair.  

That was another good thing, they taught me how to use a manual wheelchair, and I really hated the electric one it was like being tied into some elaborate torture device, there were far to many straps and supports.  

Another good point was that they gave me all sorts of attachments for my wrist braces so I could feed myself and do other things.  

The physical therapy was ok really although they pushed me really hard and even managed to make me cry a few times mostly that was because I got so frustrated.  

The therapists manipulated and massaged my limbs and even strapped my legs and arms to motorized gym equipment to build up my muscle tone.  

They taught me how to use special cutlery with rubber grips on so that I could hold them more easily, how to dress and wash and how to do wheelchair transfers and even simple things like how to lay on my stomach comfortably.  

In total I spent nearly six months in hospital.

SAFFY

Coming home proved to be yet another nightmare.  

Our house was two-storey with a flight of steps at the front meaning that it wasn't exactly wheelchair accessible and whilst my parents were happy to pay for the best schools, health care and anything else money could buy, they weren't prepared to move house and my mother kept going on about how all of the alterations which needed to be made before I could live there would ruin her décor.  

Also it meant they would have to hirer a nurse as they were always off traveling somewhere as I couldn't live on my own when they weren't there and our housekeeper wouldn't have time to take care of me, as she didn't live in because she had her own family.  

My mom really hated the idea of a stranger moving into our home.

Sometimes I really hate my parents, I don't think people like them should be allowed to have children it's just not fair on the kids, I thought the whole idea was to actually enjoy them and spend time with them!  

SLADE

Saffy's parents suck big style.  

Do you now that they've only been to see her ten times since she's been in hospital.  

It's like nothings changed for them!  Their only child has been crippled and it hasn't even disrupted their schedules!

I thought parents were supposed to take care of their kids?  

The prospect of Saffy coming home is just an inconvenience to them and the worst of it is that they don't even want her to come home they would rather she was locked away now that she doesn't fit there picture of the perfect daughter any more.

Saffy loves her parents and keeps saying that they can't help being the way they are but I really don't agree…

I hate that I've managed to ruin any relationship she may have had with them however superficial by making one stupid mistake.  

I wish we had never gotten into Elton's car, I wish that I could change what happened.  

But I can't.


	5. Part 6

SAFFY

Sometimes people surprise me, sometimes I even surprise myself.  

I met this girl in rehab, Kayla, she was tall and slender you could almost believe that she was a model, she looked so grown-up and elegant with her long shiny black her and creamy skin, she has become my closest friend.  

It makes me feel bad though when I think about how I was before, I never would have been friends with Kay, in fact I probably would have shunned her and thought she was a freak.

When I think about how awful her life has been it makes me feel bad about complaining about a few muscles that don't work.  

Kayla's mum had ALS, which from what I understand is something that gradually destroys your motorneurones, they're the things that send messages from your brain to all of your muscles until you can't move, or speak or swallow or even breath and eventually you choke to death, which is what happened to Kayla's mom.  

Now it's just her and her dad, they live on this farm just outside of town.  

Kayla volunteers at the rehab center at weekends, Patty, my nurse tells everyone that she is an inspiration to us all. 

Which she is, I am the first to admit that.  If my mum had died so horribly and I lived in the middle of nowhere, I don't think I'd have the disposition of Little Miss Sunshine.  

Mind you it's not like she could scream and shout even if she wanted too. 

That's the other 'special' thing about Kayla, she can't speak, apparently she had cancer when she was a baby and it damaged her voice box.  

We have what you might call interesting conversations!  

I talk and she writes down her answers, it's tedious at times to say the very least but communications are improving since Kayla's been teaching me sign language because now I know what she is saying without her having to write it down the whole time and although I can't sign back to her she can hear what I'm saying.  

The absolute best bit though is that Elton has the biggest, most thumping crush on her that you could possibly imagine.     


	6. Part 7

SLADE

My mom's such a hero!  Saffy is moving into our house, it's all arranged.

Her dads paying for the alterations to our house. 

The rehabilitation center gave us a big list of all of the stuff she's gonna need, ramps, special bed, bath lift, rails next to the toilet, lower light switches, higher tables I could go on forever.  

That stuff really scares me, it's gonna be a constant reminder of what I did to Saffy, how one stupid mistake ruined her life. 

Not that I could ever forget.  

Although sometimes I wish I could just turn back the clock and make it all go away, make things, make Saffy, go back to how she used to be.

I guess I'm kind of jealous too, Saffy is becoming part of my family which is what I've wanted ever since we first got it together but at the same time I don't want to have to share her with Mom and Elton or even Kayla.  

Especially Kayla, they have these conversations that I'm not even a part of cos my signing's not good enough yet and I feel like they're all shutting me out.  

It makes me want to yell at them to leave the two of us alone, that Saffy's my girlfriend, my friend, my family and not there's.

I know that's really awful and I know that Saffy needs them and having them around makes her happy and that I need them because I couldn't take care of Saffy on my own.  

It's just that it used to be the two of us, Saffy and me against the world or at least that was how it felt, it's not like that any more and I really miss that.  


	7. Par 8

SAFFY

My counselor was talking to me today about going back to school.  

The thing is I don't know if I can.  

I don't want people to feel sorry for me but how could they not if they compare what I am now to what I used to be?  

My friends don't want anything to do with me since the accident, it's like I am dead to them.

It's degrading to have to have stuff done for you in front of other people, at least I think it is, it makes me feel so inadequate. 

If I went back to my old school I would have to have an aide with me like the whole time to open doors, help me in the lavatory, take notes and write stuff for me and even turn the pages of the textbooks in class.

Maybe I should do to one of those special schools that are just for kids like me? 

Somehow, I don't think that I would fit in there either; retards and the kids that drool really scare me. I can't help it and I know how close I came to being one of them but I don't think I could cope with that; just the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.

Maybe I could be home schooled like Kayla?  

That sounds like a good idea at least that way no one would have to know what a helpless freak I've become and I could still get a good education.  

I'm sure my parents would pay for a tutor if I asked.  They would do anything to stop me being wheeled out into the public eye; they are just so ashamed of me.


	8. Part 9

The bathroom door creaked opened and Chase appeared.  

The Australian was well over six feet and muscular with blonde hair, blue eyes and a permanent year round tan.  

He had nothing but a damp small white towel around his waist; he was rubbing at his unruly mop with another towel his hands working in frenzied circular motions as he dried his hair.

Dan lay there upon his bed silent and as still as a statue.  

He liked watching people, imagining what they were thinking or where they had come from and who they had been.


	9. Part 10

SAFFY

Sometimes I don't think Slade has accepted what has happened and how it has changed things, not just for me, but for the two of us as a couple.

He wants things to be the way they used to be and to do all of the things that we used to do together.  It's not that I don't wish I could turn the clock back, I do.

But I have to accept the consequences of what we did, I have to accept what happened to me and along with it all of the things I can't do any more if I ever want to be happy again and I wish I could make Slade understand.


	10. Part 11

SLADE

I'm beginning to think that Saffy has the right attitude and that it would be better if we could live in our own little world just the two of us.

It would certainly be easier for Saffy, easier on me…

In preparation for Saffy coming home her therapist decided it would be a good idea if we spent an afternoon in town, go to the mall or take in a movie or something.

So that's what we did, I thought it would do us both good to get out, just the two of us together doing the things we used to do.

When I arrived Saffy was waiting, ready to leave wearing her coat, with her bag in her lap.

Any way, off we went, it was only a ten-minute walk from the rehab center into the town but about halfway there I could see Saffy was tired and so I pushed her chair the rest of the way for her.  

I know the therapists say that you should let people like Saffy do as much for themselves as possible but there's only so much a guy can take.

We decided to stop by the Mall first as there was a new clothes store that Saffy hadn't visited.  

Saffy picked out this really nice sleeveless top, like the silly twat I am I asked her if she wanted to try it on first.  

It was only when she said we could bring it back another day if it didn't fit that I realized that Saffy probably couldn't get changed on her own and that the changing room was way too small to accommodate her wheelchair.  

It made me feel really bad for her and really stupid for not thinking about this sort of thing before I opened my big mouth. 

The afternoon went downhill from there really.  

We went to see some new action flick everyone had been raving about at school and for obvious reason's Saffy had to sit in the aisle, any way practically no one held doors open for us as I wheeled her inside and people kept whining because they had to walk round Saffy's chair to get to their seats.  

By the end of the movie I was ready to hit anyone who so much as looked at us.  It makes me so angry the way people stared at Saffy like she was some kind of freak or pretended she wasn't even there.  It's not like Saffy actually chose to be in a wheelchair, she didn't have a choice.  

I did though. 

I should haven chosen not to get in the car, chosen not to drive so fast.  

I know you can't change the past but I would give anything for us not to have crashed, anything for Saffy not to have been hurt.


	11. Part 12 MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Saffy

The other day Slade and I went into town it was awful more awful for him than it was for me because I really don't think that he has accepted how different my life is going to be from now on.

We went to see a movie and these people were really rude about having to walk round my wheelchair as I was sitting in the aisle. 

Slade got really annoyed with them.  I could see the one of the muscles in his cheek twitching with tension and he held my hand in a vice like grip the whole of the way through the movie then hardly said a word on the way back to the rehab center. 

By the time we got back to my room he had really worked himself up into a frenzy and he started telling me how much he hates what happened and he blames himself and that he wishes it was him in the wheelchair and not me.

People are just ignorant they don't understand what life is like for people like me, some people are just plain scared and don't think freaks like me should be allowed out in public.  At the end of the day I don't have a choice in the matter, my mother always told me what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I sincerely hope she was right although it doesn't feel that way at the moment.  

The only good thing that's come out of this whole episode is that I guess Slade understands now how difficult going back to school would be.


	12. Part 13

SLADE

Today, Elton and I went over to Saffy's old house to pick up her things in preparation for her coming home.  My mom and I spent all evening arranging them in Saffy's new room, I hope she likes it, Elton and I have spent every spare second over the past couple of weeks decorating it and moving furniture around.

I can't wait until Saffy comes home.  Although I go and see her in the hospital every day it's just not the same, it's not like we can even talk about stuff, all the deep and meaningful stuff that I can't tell anybody else or even like I can give her a cuddle or anything because a nurse or another patient or someone might come waltzing in.  There is no privacy in the rehabilitation center at all and I hate that.

Funnily just having her stuff around me makes me feel closer to her already, I can't wait until I can hold Saffy in my arms again and until we can spend some time alone together, it's what I miss more than anything just being that close to somebody not just physically but emotionally as well.  

Funnily sitting here in her room is the first time I've felt relaxed in absolutely ages, it feels like I finally have somewhere I can belong again and I haven't felt like that in a long time not even in my own home or at school when I'm with my friends.  

I might sleep in here tonight; it just feels kind of the right place to be.  I think I'd like that…


	13. Part 14

SAFFY

Today I came home not to my home but Slade and Elton's house, which is where I'm going to live from now on.  

They brought me home in an ambulance which was really embarrassing, I could feel my cheeks blazing as the ramp slowly lowered my wheelchair to the pavement outside their house, I was pleased that Slade wasn't there because things like that make him so angry.

I can't believe that they have done so much for me, I mean they've altered their whole lives for me so that I don't have to be on my own in the house for long periods of time and they've changed round all of the furniture and had new light switches put in that are lower down so that I can use them more easily.  I know that my dad paid for it all but it must have been a real inconvenience to them.  It was too much of an inconvenience for my mother!

My room is just so spectacular it's unbelievable, it used to be Slade and Elton's mum's room and it's the largest of the four bedrooms in the house and it has it's own bathroom which is specially equipped so that I can use it.  

Like the rest of the house my room has stripped wooden floors, the woodwork is painted the exact same colour as the cream that gets all congealed around the lid of the cartoon if you don't clean it regularly.  The walls are painted purple but in natural light it looks a sort of blueberry colour.  All the fixtures and fitting's are silver so are the trinket boxes; which are one the dressing table.  There is a really big window that looks out upon the garden.  

My new bed faces the window so that I'll be able to see outside when I'm resting.  The bed is covered in throws and cushions of every texture all colour coordinated with the rest of the room and you would hardly notice that it's a bed specially designed for people like me.  It has controls that allow me to move it and myself into a sitting position and a special air-filled mattress attached to a pump so that I don't get bedsores from laying in one place for too long.  

Elton and Slade have even arranged the closet so that I can rest all of my stuff and so that there is plenty of room for me to store all of the gadgets the rehab center have given me everything is so perfect and more beautiful than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams.  

The bathroom is decorated is blue and white tiles the exact same colour as the sky and the clouds on a summers day and the floor is covered in rubber which I like to think is really cool.  There is a special shower and a bath with little jets like a hot tub both of which like the toilet, the taps on the sink and the mirror are specially adapted for use by people in a wheelchair, like me.

When Grace, Slade's mum showed me everything I cried, I can't believe how perfect everything is here, the only thing that is missing is Slade and he will be home from school soon…


	14. Part 15

SLADE

If Saffy's parents had decided to press charges the police would have sent me straight to juvenile jail.  

I can't believe that they didn't press charges that they didn't even care enough about Saffy and what I did to her to even bother.  

They make me so angry I can't even talk to Saffy about them any more without completely losing the plot.  

I hate them even more than I hate myself, some times I think that I'd feel better about things if they had locked me up and thrown away the key at least then I would feel like I'm being punished for what I did in some way.  

As things stand my lawyer says that I'll probably get off with community service and that they wont even put me in jail or a kid's home or anything.  

One of the conditions of the police releasing me was that I get counseling.  So now I go and see a counselor twice a week.  

I know millions of people are in therapy but I really don't think I need it, nothing will ever help me come to terms with the fact that Saffy will have to spend the rest of her life in that damn wheelchair of hers, that she wont ever walk or dance or anything and that it's because of me, that I was the one who destroyed her life and no amount of 'talking' is going to change that.  

What can I say except that it's all my fault and that I hate myself for what I've done?  


	15. Part 16 I bet you thought I'd never upd...

SLADE

It seemed like today would never arrive, Saffy has finally come home.  

I have missed her so much it's been like having a physical pain deep down inside of me that wont stop hurting and never goes away.

Today is the first time since the accident that I've actually felt that things might be ok for us.

Having Saffy here as part of my family is something that I've always wanted; ever since we started dating and in many ways it's like a dream come true apart from her being in that chair, apart from how I wrecked her life.

My mum arranged a welcome home party for her; just with me, her, Elton, Kayla and a couple of friends from school.  She made all of Saffy's favorite foods; which was really good of her because she has done so much for Saffy and I already.  

Although she hasn't said anything I think she's secretly as relieved as I am that Saffy's started eating again.

Across the room Saffy is having a conversation with Elt and Kayla, it's like some secret society the way the three of them talk because most of the time I haven't a clue what they're saying.  

Not that I mind so much any more because Elton & Kayla are spending a lot of time together which means I get Saffy all to myself.  

I wonder if there's anything going on between the two of them?


	16. Part 17

SAFFY

Today has been great, even the welcome home party which was a bit embarrassing.

I certainly never thought I'd be this happy ever again.  That I'd find somewhere where I belong, where people accepted me for what I am now.  

I've missed having some privacy.  Missed being able to touch Slade, to have him hold me, any kind of intimacy.  

Saying that he has this stupid idea that he can take care of me all by himself, I'd hate that.  

I want him to be my boyfriend not my carer and I don't want him to give up everything for me, like rugby and dirt biking and all the other stuff the enjoys.  I think that would ruin things between us completely even more so than the stupid accident did and Slade blaming himself for what happened has.  

I love him so much and I wish that I could make things better for him and I've really tired to but how can I when every time he looks at me he feels bad?


	17. Part 18

SLADE

I can't believe who happy I am right now.  

I didn't think that things would ever be this way for Saffy and again I can almost believe that nothing has changed.  

I kissed her earlier just once gently on the lips and I was quite literally trembling with nerves but when are lips met and Saffy put her arms around my neck it was just like before.  

I think part of me was scared that although I still love her I wouldn't want her anymore, I do, I really do, she is just as beautiful, if not more so, than she was before and although I know things aren't going to be so easy for us physically as a couple I really want things to work out for us and for us to be in love with each other forever.

Funnily enough I feel like I am at peace with myself, the only sound other than the wiring of the bed is the sound of our breathing as we lay in bed together much the way we used to when one of us had snuck out to the others room in the dead of night.

Her head is resting on my chest and she has one arm around me as I hold her close and gently stroke her hair with my hand as she sleeps, it makes me very, very happy.


	18. Part 19

SAFFY

I guess I'm having what my therapist would call a 'bad' day today.  I woke up all stiff and I just haven't been able to shake it, it's like a nagging pain that's always there, it never goes away and I can't make it stop.  I wish that I could just curl up and go to sleep but I can't because if I do everyone will fuss over me and I hate that so, so much.  Anyways I couldn't curl up even if I wanted too.  Sometimes my life really sucks! Everything takes so long these days and I'm so damn clumsy that it feels like I can't do anything right anymore.  I spilt my breakfast all down my front this morning and there was me thinking that I'd mastered this feeding myself business once and for all.  Not a big deal? Wrong biggest f**king deal ever!  

So I trundled off to get changed and couldn't open the drawer to get a clean sweater out cause I was so stiff.  When I finally managed it I dropped my dirty sweater on the floor and couldn't pick it up because I can't even bend over.  Ok well I can bend over but I can't sit back up again afterwards.  

So Slade comes in to see what's taking me so long, which was a really bad choice of words considering how p**sed off I was by then.  So I shouted at him and said that maybe he should try being a useless cripple stuck in a damn wheelchair the whole time.  I really regretted saying the instant I saw the look upon his face because I know if he could take back what happened or swap places with me he would.  He just stood there as if I'd turned him into stone and because I can't bear hurting him I reached out to him and we stayed like that for ages me with me arms around his neck and him bending over and holding me as close as he can.  

The long and the short of it is that my sweater is still laying in a dirty and crumpled heap upon the floor and Slade was late for school and will probably get detention tonight.

Sometimes my life actually sucks so much it blows.


	19. Part 20

SLADE

It's so hard having to watch Saffy struggle the with everything the whole time, even stupid little things like picking something up off of the floor or feeding herself.

I really want to do all of the stuff which she finds hard for her but I know I have to watch her struggle because she needs to be as independent as she can be at least that's what her therapist said.  

I still hate it though especially when I do or say things that make life a million times worse for her than it already is.  Sometimes the tiniest phrase can really upset someone. 

 One of the things I hate most of all is that we don't fight anymore, that we are both constantly afraid to say what we are thinking or feeling because we don't want to upset each other.  Before we just used to have a row and then half an hour later it would all be forgot about, it feels like we're keeping secrets from each other and I don't like it because Saffy and I never ever had any secrets from each other before the accident.  

We had an argument this morning, it was awful it tares me apart that I can't make things better, that I feel the way I do about the accident and myself and even Saffy.  

By the time we'd both calmed down I was really late for school but I didn't get a detention as I don't think anyone even noticed because a lot of the teachers are off sick at the moment, there's some nasty bug going round. 

All in all things are pretty weird at the moment….


	20. Part 21

SAFFY

Today we went to Kayla's farm.

It is one of the most tranquil places I have ever been; it looks just like something out of a storybook.

The life Kayla lives there is so very different from my own privileged upbringing and I can't help but be more than a little envious.

Her and her father work the land, they grow vegetables all planted in neat little rows in the fields, they have many types of fruit growing on the bushes and trees in the orchard and breed fish in the lakes, there are bees hives and chickens and ducks. Kayla's dad sells all of their excess produce in a tiny farm shop at the end of their driveway or takes it into the local farmers market. Their home is warm and homely and couldn't be more unlike the house where I grew up.

I would love to live there and be isolated from the horrors of the outside world.

The tabloid papers are spreading rumors about this virus, saying that our country is being attacked from the inside that it will wipe out all of the adults.

Our president has been on TV urging us not to panic and telling us that the virus is under control. He is lying.

Every where people are dying, the hospitals are so overcrowded that they have stopped all routine services such as my physio and the schools in the next town are evacuating their students to camps out in the country. In the streets people are wearing masks in an effort to protect themselves. According to the information on the Internet the virus is wiping out adults on a worldwide scale.

I don't know who or what to believe….


	21. Part 22

SAFFY Sometimes you forget how beautiful nature is. All the different shades of green, the way a sun feels as it warms your skin and the wind as it rips through your hair, the smell of bonfires and flowers, the sound of waves crashing upon the rocks and the textures of sand, grass and stones underfoot. All of these things we take for granted, we do not realise how special they are.....  
  
I have forgotten the way so many things feel, skating on a frozen lake, galloping my mums horse along the sand, watching the sunset over the ocean, dancing at a club where the music is so loud you can't hear yourself speak.  
  
Sometimes it is easier to forget the things you once loved rather than clinging onto something that you can never experience again.  
  
I guess that this virus robbing many people of many things; it's destroying their families and bringing chaos to their lives. I am probably the only person who was glad that the virus hit. My parents are dead, at least I think they are I haven't heard from them in weeks, not that that's unusual; maybe they're hiding out somewhere? I know that it's a terrible thing to say but it doesn't really make a lot of difference to me whether they're alive or dead, I'm better off without them. 


	22. Parts 23 to 26

SLADE

Watching Saffy when we went to Kayla's farm made me realise a whole bunch of stuff.

Yesterday was the only time we have been out of the house and no-one has Judged us or stared in pity or disgust. 

She sits in that goddamn chair staring out of the window like a prisoner watching life carry on without being able to join in. 

The kids from next door play ball in the street or ride on their skates and bikes, today they are playing under the sprinklers on their lawn.  It makes me realise that the accident robbed us both of our childhood and when I watch her watching the children I think of not how we used to be but how I stole the chance of those children ever belonging to Saffy and me.

Elt stays to basketball or soccer practice after school and most days I play rugby or go to the track on the dirt bike.  Saffy used to go swimming at the beach or ride that crazy horse of her mothers who costs more in livery fees than a new Porsche.  Now she is trapped inside a useless body forever because of me.

SLADE

Today we buried my mum under her favourite tree in our garden, she'd only been sick for about a week, I tried to ring dad, but there was a recording on the line telling me that international connections are down.

There is no TV, no radio, no internet, no phones, nothing, no connections to the outside world what so ever, this is like something that happened in a horror movies or the plot of some SciFi novel, it is not real, it is not happening, it can't be…

SAFFY

It is strange to think how close we are to the end of the world.  It is almost certainly the end of the world as we know it. 

All of the adults are gone, buried in mass graves or littering buildings and streets like rubbish.  The kids we once knew they're gone too shipped out to camps for their own safety by the government.  The ones who are left, who escaped the round up have formed gangs and spend their time smashing things up and fighting one another, they are destroying everything that is left of the life we know.

Last night our house was broken into, we came so close to losing everything we have left, each other and our lives.

SAFFY

Today we left our home for the last time, forever.

Before it got light Slade and Elton bandaged each others wounds the best they could. The wounds they sustained trying to protect our processions, our home and me.

Elton packed up our belongings, everything we needed to take with us, food, tools, medicines, cleaning supplies, clothes, cutlery and all of the things I need. Slade disappeared. He arrived back at the house just after dark roaring in reverse up the driveway.  He and Elt threw all of our stuff into the back, of the van I don't know where he got it from and I know better than to ask even through he returned more battered and bruised than when he left.

Eventually we were ready and Slade lifted me into the van and fastened my seatbelt before leaping in beside me and slamming the door shut and with Elton behind the wheel we speed off into the future leaving the past, our old lives, the chaos and the decay behind us.


	23. Part 27

SLADE

Don't get me wrong the farm is great, we're safe here in the middle of nowhere with electric fencing and a couple of shotguns to protect ourselves, being safe is a big thing in this new world of ours.

We have a roof over our heads, clothes and sanitation, which is more than can be said for many of the kids roaming the streets.

Most importantly we are self-sufficient, the farm has an orchard, many berry bushes, beehives, a vegetable garden and the river, we have food and plenty of water, enough to trade which means we are in a position of power.

Yet, no mater how hard I try I still hate this new existence we have carved for ourselves, I want my old life back, my folks, my house and Saffy.

This new world has to hold something more than this for me…


	24. Part 28 The Final Chapter

SAFFY

Slade hates the farm and our new life as much (if not more) as I love it.

I feel like I have always belonged here in our safe haven with Kayla and Elton, this is our future this is where I want to be. But Slade cannot accept everything that has happened, this new world, the virus, the accident, me. I cannot bear to see him so unhappy, I once heard someone say that if you truly love someone you should set them free.

He told me he loved me, the tears were streaming down his face as he packed his bags and got ready to leave, I know no matter where he goes or what he does his future is bright as mine too might be.

He gives me one final kiss goodbye before he jumps on his bike and roars off into the sunset, ironically this is just like a scene out of a movie except he doesn't look back and see me crying as my heart breaks.

But maybe this was how it was always going to end and how it is meant to be?


End file.
